the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
