There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
