omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
