Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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