I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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