did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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