I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
