No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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