I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize