gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
