you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
