i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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