i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I have post one night stand depression
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
