he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sorry about my life...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
