we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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