grandma shit on top of the toilet
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
there was a trapeze. enough said
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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