Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
