At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
