I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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