i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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