He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
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