I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize