mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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