That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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