Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
