yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
