I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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