went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
