My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
