he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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