She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
