...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize