We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
