This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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