I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
