3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm jealous of your bromance
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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