what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
