I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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