you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
