help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
