he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize