Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
