READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
