I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
