you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
