Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize