so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think I died a long time ago.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
