Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
