first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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