somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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