shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
