If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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