Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
