Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
