I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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