He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
