Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we're chasing vodka with high fives
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
