Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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