so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
