so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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