he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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