only if we run a train.
done.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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