i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
