i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
