T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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