This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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