he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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