Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
