I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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