Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
