pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
