i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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