You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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