We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
