He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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