why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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