**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
