Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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