i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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