Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
