he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
