yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
