she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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