Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
