she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
