she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize