She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
