mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
