Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
