Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
