we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
