he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize