I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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