I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
