so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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