The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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