Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
