i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
operation have a gay friend backfired
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
