Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Small penises have feelings too.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
