Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
