who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
