I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
