Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
